20 Apr My Divorce In No Way Defines ME!

It always amazes me that when people hear that I am a divorced single parent they feel badly for me.

I mean, why do people have to “feel sorry” for those of us that are divorced?

But as it happens, many people who hear that I am divorced feel the need to tell me that they are “sorry for me.”  Once they have told me that they feel sorry for me, they then proceed to ask me if I am dating and provide me with one hundred and one reasons why I should be “finding my new soul mate.”  And following that people often feel the need to let me know how absolutely terrifying it must be for me to be raising two adolescent daughters on my own.

Let’s set the record straight…..I am a divorced single mother of two, and I in no way feel badly for myself.

Being divorced is only a piece of my story.

It in no ways defines me.                   

There is a big piece of my life that came prior to my divorce.  There is also a piece that has come following my divorce.    Obviously the fact that my marriage ended, leaving me as a single mother, has impacted upon my current life.   However, it is not the only interesting part of who I am.   My divorce is something that happened to me almost 5 years ago, but it is only a small part of my life.

Now for the part about finding my “new soul mate”…….I kind of wish that people would mind their own business and not feel the need to ask me about my “dating life.”  After a divorce, some people immediately throw themselves into the dating scene in order find a new partner.  Others may date a great deal in order to get themselves back “out there” as singles.  And still others may take the time to re-group and take care of themselves and their children before involving a new partner into the picture.  Whichever way someone chooses is truly private – please stop asking.  It’s the same as the questions pertaining to why someone is divorced.

What happened to respecting a person’s privacy?

I just wish that people would think before asking questions.

And finally for the comments about how difficult and scary it must be to raise adolescent children on one’s own.  Let’s be very clear, raising children (either as a single parent or as a couple) is quite possibly one of the hardest and most rewarding jobs in the entire world.

Yes, it can be terrifying at times.

Yes having to do it alone is exhausting.

But isn’t that what being a parent is all about?

When we choose to bring our children into the world, we are not always certain about how our life path is going to go.  My thought was that I was going to be married for many years – like my grandparents who were married for 63 years, and my parents who are soon going to be celebrating their 55^th wedding anniversary.

Clearly I was wrong!

My life hasn’t necessarily gone the way I thought it would go, but please don’t feel badly for me.

I am grateful to be the parent of two amazing daughters.  They are both in the early stages of adolescence and our lives are incredibly busy and hectic.  Some days I feel like I am riding the world’s largest roller coaster, other days it feels like I am waiting to see what is hiding around the corner, and other days it feels like a perfect picnic in the park.  To be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t have it any other way!

My experience with divorce has taught me so many things, and it has allowed me to recognize my personal strengths along with my limits.   It has reinforced the importance of feeling grateful for everything that I have and for everything that I don’t have.

Divorce is one of those things in life that can happen – sometimes after a great deal of difficulty in a marriage, and often with no warning at all.  It is something that you can work through and learn a great deal from.

It does not have to define you as the person who you are.

Learn from your divorce, accept that it has happened to you, and then keep going.  You never know what may happen in the next chapter of your life!

Xox,

Susan