02 Nov THE LIZ EFFECT

Like the FATHER, SON AND HOLY GHOST, we do not refer to them as the THREE WISE MEN because they talk about male only issues like jock itch and Deflategate, I have been reading WISE WOMEN CANADA for almost two years, as it is a site of interest for everyone (not just women).  It has the name WISE WOMEN, not because it is full of chic articles, but because its two founders, who share many life lessons and personal stories, are women.

Someone recently wrote an article titled “DO YOU KNOW LIZ?”, which was a great read.  It got me thinking…..”No, I don’t really know Liz!”. 

But because of her casual and intimate style of writing, I, like many, feel like I know her. But in reality, I don’t.

Have I ever had cup coffee with her?  No.

Have I ever shared a bottle of vino with her?  No.

How is it then, that I consider her a friend?

Our distant friendship goes back 25 years + or –.  In revealing the year that I met her, I would reveal her age.  That’s a no-no.  Can’t reveal a woman’s age, right?

Ok, ok….25 years ago, I met her in pre-kindergarten :).

Although I am the same age as her, and grew up in overlapping social circles, that’s not how I met her.

I actually came to know her through her younger sister.  At the time, I was seeing a close friend of hers, and from time we would hang out at the Wieners.

When I first met Liz, although pretty, she rarely had a smile, had straight kind of dull looking hair, and always wore black.  She wasn’t goth.  She was much too fashionable for that!  Not knowing her, I kind of figured that she was this post modernist artsy girl destined to marry a guy who wore black turtle necks and was named Gunther or Dieter.

A few years later, from a distance, I heard about her mad love affair with Lee, who she ended up marrying and, by all appearances, they made a great family together.

With the introduction of Facebook, I began seeing pictures of her smiling, wearing bright red lip stick, clothes with real colours (not just shades of black) and this awesome vibrant and wild looking mane.

I figured that through her romantic life, Lee broke her shell, and this caterpillar became a butterfly.

Lee, my boy, way to go!

Recently, Liz blogged about her life long battle with depression. 

Although I know nothing about depression, suddenly I had a flash back to 25 years ago, and suddenly a lot started to make sense to me.

She wrote about her crayons and her love of black…..boom, her all black wardrobe suddenly made sense.

She wrote about depression….boom, the serious face was self-explanatory

Way back when, I recall walking down the hall at the Wieners, and as young romantics like to do, my girlfriend at the time, grabbed my arm and pulled me into the first door that was open to steal a private kiss.  It just so happened that it was Liz’s room.  We were there for maybe 5 seconds, but what stood out in my mind was her open closet.  It was like being in a boutique.  Every hanger was EXACTLY 1/2 an inch apart.  Never have I seen such an organized closet.  The pants were with the pants, the blouses were with the blouses, the blazers were with the blazers, and the sweaters were with the sweaters.  Nothing was out of place, and of course, everything was black.

Apparently, this obsessiveness is often associated with depression.  The closet now made sense.

Her article went on to explain how in changing her diet and exercise regiment, she has had some success in battling her demons.

I was so blown away and equally impressed.  I PM’ed her through Facebook and told her so.  Bruce Jenner is a pussy (no pun intended).  To me, the Arthur Ashe award for courage should, hands down, have gone to Liz.  Bravery is looking in the mirror every day, and saying, “I am nobody’s bitch”, and doing something about it.  Talk is cheap.  Actions speak louder than words.

Like I said, I know nothing about depression or how effective her combat attempts are, but she is role model for many, her family included, for her determination.  Apparently, battling this nemesis, is no  easy thing.  Where she can easily crawl up in a ball and let it consume her, every day she finds a way to muster up all of her strength and drag her butt to the gym as self-help therapy.  YOU GO GIRL!!!!

I think of Liz as my CYBER FRIEND WITH BENEFITS.   Get your mind out of the gutter…..No, she is not my Ashley Madison friend.  CYBER FRIEND because our friendship exists through Facebook and WISE WOMEN CANADA.  The “WITH BENIFITS” is because her writings are often so inspirational.  She embodies a DGAF (Don’t Give A F….) attitude and does whatever will make her a better person, spouse and mother.

I, myself, have many serious health issues (nothing depression related).  Reading Liz’s articles provides me with reassurance the DGAF attitude is justifiable.

 With my medical problems, I will never again win bonus points based on panache.  My goal in life is to be the best husband and very best father possible. Although I always try my best, if one doesn’t like my style, then they can piss right off.  My wife and kids know that I am always there for them unconditionally, and am the president of their fan clubs.   

To paraphrase a quote that I recently read on Facebook: “When my children remember their childhood. I want only for them to remember that their dad gave it his all.  We worried too much, he failed at times and he did not always get it right… but he tried his hardest to teach them about kindness, love, compassion and honesty.  Even if he had to learn it from his own mistakes, he loved them enough to keep going, even when things seemed hopeless, and even when life knocked him down. 

I want them to remember me as the man who always got back up.”

-Michael Kantor

Michael is a 43 year old family man.  Father of two.  With a home based business, Michael is a part-time stay at home dad.  In addition to his contributions to WISE WOMEN CANADA, he has his own blog at www.underthespray.com.